Sunday, March 31, 2013

Yes I had a dream, I stood beneath an orange sky, with my brother and my sister standing by




I have a life I never could have asked for or dreamed up myself.

I have passions, blue pens for writing stories I never thought myself capable of writing, a heart behind my actions, and lists of reasons "why." I have a mug full of hope and real conversations with people that love me. I have friendships that lasted through the night and into a morning that has become the entirety of my life.

I also have faults. Reason after reason I should not think of myself as enough. Failed requests and selfish motivations. There are days I let my frustrations pierce even the most well-intended words of comfort.

This little life of mine that has left me in awe some days and groaning the next is all because of my beautiful savior. My Beloved. Who made me His own and died for those laundry lists of sin. He rose again, and granted me new life, not by anything I have done, can do, or will do. I will always be a mess, and Jesus has already cleaned it up.





Sunday, March 17, 2013

Prologue


To Build a Home

It was that time again, Christmas blend time. Even thinking it, Alex felt like a walking cliché.  Every year it was the same, and every year they all fell for it. The multi-colored cries of summer fell away taking their berry smoothies and iced caffeine with it.
A change of seasons: pumpkin.
Pumpkin everything. Chillier breezes and a tornado of individuals and their facebook status’ declaring the season of changing leaves and cashmere scarves as their own.  Starbucks knows this. It’s quite genius, really. Take an entire season, market it to a general population of leggings enthusiasts and boot wearers which simultaneously personalizing it to make them feel as though the pumpkin in their latte was inserted just for them.
A change of seasons: gingerbread.
Orange to red, mustard to pine needles, it becomes Christmas blend time. Much too early in Alex’s opinion, if anyone every asked for it, though only the boy with emerald eyes consistently did. Displays of coffee mugs painted with caffeinated, skating penguins and oval ornaments stacked the shelves before anyone’s thanksgiving turkey began to thaw.  Paper snowflakes and snowman cookies dressed the corporate walls. Trashcans overflowing with cardboard cups emptied of their candied sweetness left with the residue of sticky holiday joy.  The notion of designer-brand coffee thrumos’ underneath the Christmas tree becomes irresistible when paired with biscotti and a bag of fresh grounds wrapped in a gaudy gold ribbon.
The Christmas music already began to blare Burl Ives and Dean Martin as Alex stepped up to the counter to order her cinnamon spice latte.  It was too busy for her to stay, too many people to gawk at.  Too much first-date small-talk she’d be tempted to heckle at.  Too many fake, passing conversations that would bring back the taste of stomach acid and gingerbread in her bitter mouth.  Plus, she was heading home to meet with Marion, her mother. They hadn’t seen each other in eight days, since her mom left for her honeymoon in Jamaica with Gerald.  It was Marion’s third honeymoon, fourth wedding. Alex’s father and Marion never went on a honeymoon, wasn’t common for most 18 year olds with no money and a budding baby of seven months inside the bride’s stomach.
It was a “girls day” as Marion had crooned to Alex two days ago across a crackly phone line. Even through the phone, Alex could hear the after-elation of recent newlywed sex in her mother’s tone. Everything came out with exclamation points, “I can’t wait! You need to see what Gerry bought me! And! What we picked up for you! It’s just marvelous here! All of the little local people are so accommodating!”
This went on for several minutes until finally, “we must have a girls day when I see you again, Alex! I miss my Angel!”
“I miss you too, Mom.”
And she did. Just without the exclamation points.

* * *


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Fleeting Collegiate Conversations


Here was the assignment: Go to a coffee house or other public place where you can (discreetly!) listen in on a conversation.  As closely as possible, transcribe the conversation for five or ten minutes.  Then go back and edit the conversation, taking out the dull parts and embellishing to make it more interesting. 
Here was my prefaceI thought I would veer away from how I typically write dialogue, which includes a lot of narration and back story with a focus on who I think they are rather than what they say, so this is a more naked version of what I’ve done before. Turned out to be a lot of fun to simply listen and transcribe! I should probably mention the conversation I listened to had a lot of profanities, so if that is personally offensive to read, I’d steer clear of this piece.





Nebraska Union, March 5th 2013 around 10:14pm
“I know! I know he has a drinking problem—”
“Yeah but—”
An interruption ignored.
“I know he has a gambling problem—”
A sip of iced tea.
“I mean, this is why we’ve been off and on for six years, I don’t even know why I’m with him.”
“Then why are you with him?”
“This isn’t, like, the real reason, but he is financially stable, which is nice.”
A raise of the eyebrows, judgment gazing back at her.
“It just shows potential, ya know? Like he’s growing. We’ve been growing together. I know he can provide for me and so there’s a back up.”
            Silence and a lack of compassion.
“Yeah. yeah I get it. He’s just figuring life out because life is fucking confusing. Like I have so much to do. My professors don’t realize this shit and just pile on all of these things at once and I just wanna shout at them that I can’t deal!”
No time for interruption
“And on top of that, my roommates are all “together” and it’s so fucking irritating. I combined their names when they aren’t around because they’re like, some celebrity couple. They are even celebrating their birthdays on the exact same fucking day. The same day. Twenty-first too, so that will be a mess in my own freakin’ bathroom.”
Frustration and selfishness met downcast eyes and uncertainty across the table
“That sucks. Did your roommates know each other before? Did you even know them?”
“Yeah,”
            A smack of pink gum and clicking of an impatient pen.
“One of them was my roommate freshman year, and we stayed roommates, but this rando girl is now hardcore involved. I mean, I don’t care. Dan has kept me sane.”
“How long have you guys been together now?”
“It’s been almost a full year to the day next month”
“A full year to what day?”
“Oh shit. I meant tomorrow it will be a month until our one year.”
“So, 11 months?”
            Embarrassment masked as indifference passed between the chairs.
“Some shit like that, yeah.”
            Facebook status updates and unread texts make an appearance.
“So I texted Dan and he said he’s all done with his ROTC meeting. He’s on his way.”
“That’s fine, I need to call my sister anyway.”
“Cool”
            Large footsteps and beefed up masculinity approach the table
“Dude, so, I’m in class today, right? And I listened to a girl have her fucking revelation on how leap years work. In college! I can’t believe this shit.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I just can’t believe people sometimes.”

The sky wasn't big enough for them all, the birds, they got help from below, from dirty paws and the creatures of snow

If today were a playlist, it would look like this:

Sunday Morning-Maroon 5
Sunrise-Norah Jones
Over the Rainbow-Ingrid Michaelson
Let the Rain-Sarah Bareilles
Come Away With Me-Norah Jones
The Sea & The Rhythm-Iron & Wine
A Bird's Song-Ingrid Michaelson
Singing in the Rain-Gene Kelly
Why Does it Always Rain on Me?-Travis
The Rain in Spain-Audrey Hepburn
If You Were Here-The Cary Brothers
I'll Be Seeing You-Billie Holiday
Breathe Me-Sia
Come Away to the Water-Maroon 5 (feat. Rozzi Crane)
Rainy Zurich-The Fray
Skinny Love-Bon Iver
Untitled-The Lumineers


Can you guess today's weather? Haha. Feels like a Parisian afternoon.



Dreams of grad school conquered by excel spread sheets with musings of publishing houses in Paris followed by a dutiful Google search has livened up this grey morning. It's only part one of my eight hour shift and I sense caffeine injection number two is due pretty soon.

I'll post a short-story type deal I wrote for this past week up after this. Until then, enjoy this groggy Saturday!